The Jolly Old Elf knows.
He gets letters every year from Autism Households asking for just a few simple things.
Like acceptance.
He also knows that life in an Autism Household can be extremely stressful at the best of times. Throw in the holidays, and well, things can implode.
So Santa asked me to talk with my fellow Autism Mamas and Dadas and compile a list of tips for those who love us, and want to make things easier by coming to US during the holidays, but don't know how to do it successfully.
Autism Mamas and Dadas are a close knit community, easy to rally.
And well, when Santa asks you to do something, you do it!
So here's the list!!!
#1- CALL AHEAD
This may seem like a no-brainer, but its HUGE!! Autistic people thrive in structured environments. But when the 'out of the ordinary' happens, it can cause terrible anxiety. So popping in is a no-no. Please call ahead so that the family KNOWS you're coming
#2- ASK
Ask if the autistic person is sensitive to sound, should you speak quietly. Are they sensitive to touch? Is it better to give them a big bear hug or to just gently touch their hand? Find out the best way to interact with the person with Autism. That way, when you meet, you WILL interact, making it a much more pleasant visit for everyone
#3 BRING SOMETHING
Its the holidays, if you are planning on bringing gifts, ASK what the autistic person enjoys! Can you bring something that will break the ice? I know a young man who will love you immediately if you walk in with a can of Sprite. He doesn't drink it, just collects them. But you have a friend for life if you show up with that can. Maybe you can bring some treats or food for a meal. Ask, find out what is needed, and wanted
#4 FIND OUT THE RULES OF THE HOUSE
These often differ in an autism household, out of necessity. Perhaps doors are locked to keep people in (wandering is a common problem in autism households), if that's the case, make SURE you lock the door behind you.
#5 AGREE AHEAD OF TIME HOW LONG YOUR VISIT WILL BE.
And make it clear that if the parents feel that their child is overwhelmed that they can let you know and you can cut the visit short, even if its only been five minutes since you arrived
#6 COME WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR
Sometimes very strange things happen in Autism Households. Like kids suddenly taking all their clothes off, or sudden loud noises, or internal thoughts being voiced out loud, or someone insisting they want to take your shoes off and play with your socks. Who knows. But understand, we see these behaviours everyday. They are not odd to us, in fact, we often find the humour in them. And so should you
#7 DON'T EXPECT A CLEAN HOUSE
really. just don't
#8 YOU MAY HAVE TO OCCUPY YOURSELF
for an indeterminate amount of time. Sometimes our children can become overwhelmed, and may need a lot help decompressing. Sometimes that decompressing is necessarily provided separately from the group. And sometimes the care that is needed comes up unexpectedly. So expect it. Bring a book and keep yourself busy. It will make our lives a lot easier to know you understand, and can wait patiently while we tend to our children.
#9 REMEMBER THAT THE AUTISTIC PERSON IS A PERSON
Even someone who is non-verbal should be spoken to, not spoken at, or spoken of. Just because they communicate in a language you do not understand does not mean they do not understand you.
#10 UNDERSTAND HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE
You would not be invited, or your invitation for a visit accepted, if you weren't special. By accepting you into our home, we are letting you know we TRUST you. We trust that you will treat our child with love and respect, and you are important enough to us for us to want to share our family life with you. We don't do that for any old Tom Dick or Harriett. So remember that you are not there to visit us out of pity, or to give us a break (we'd love a break, its what all parents dream of, but not when you're visiting!). You are there because you are special to us, and we believe you will see just how special our child is too.
Any more tips? Post them in the comments below!
At one point in time, not so long ago, people with autism and their families were quite isolated. Now, through the magic of the internet The Autism Community has been formed. it's a MASSIVE community. Just type 'autism' in the search engine of Facebook to see what I mean. We support each other, commiserate and celebrate. And OCCASIONALLY someone finds a way to go that one step beyond. 
